do you spank your kdis when there bad?

[Devastation the Almighty]

I move we ban Neffy for the fuck of it.

 

[Nefarious]

I move we ban Neffy for the fuck of it.

you come int omy fucking thread nad troll the fuck out of it at least big matt got on topic and started arguing wiht you fucking PATHETIC MOTHERFUCKERS YOU GUYS COME INTO MY THREADS CONSTNATLY AND RUN A MOCK AND YOU THINK YOURE GONNA GET AWAY WITH IT? YOU FUCKING FAGS THIS FORUM IS G

 

[Devastation the Almighty]

How G is this forum?

It is so fuckin' G.

 

[Fero]

This forum can take like 20 G before losing conciousness. I did the math.

 

[BigMattTheHobo]

I'm not a big fan of the spanking=abuse crowd. While excessive spanking is, there's a line that I think is somewhere between "never spank" and "spank the shit out of them."

I can't help but think that the more warm-fuzzy accepting parenting methods become, the more bullshit we get ranging from kids who show up on American Idol and can't sing because parents are taught to never tell their kids they can't do something because it might hurt their self esteem to extreme shit, like school shootings and what not. You never used to hear about stuff like that...why? Could part of it be because kids knew that if they stepped too far out of line long before it came to that, they'd face REAL consequences, not stuff like grounding and talking to and time out and what not. That shit doesn't work.

It seems like you're thinking about this topic in extremes. First, nobody here said spanking is child abuse. You just simply can't deny that spanking your kid is a violent act. It's using violence to punish, which shows the kid it's OK to solve problems with violence. There are more constructive ways to solve problems than hitting.

"But Matt, my kid won't listen when I tell him to stop something. Oh, and you're a faggot."


As I've said, there are plenty of tactics to use to address problem behavior. Many were developed using children with serious personality problems.

As for the rest of your post, which seems to address this idea that America is being wussified... I think there's a degree of truth to that, but I don't think the answer is to encourage spanking. IMO the answer is teaching our children to be confident, resilient and intelligent. So maybe they go up and blow their American idol audition; they'll leave knowing they tried and will work harder to do it next time. I believe you can instill those qualities without teaching your child there are violent consequences to problem behavior.

Anyway, back to extremes. You seem to imply a parent goes from being willing to doll out corporal punishment to "warm fuzzy accepting" (as if accepting is a negative trait), but I feel there's a middle ground to explore that doesn't involve violence.

There's also the effect of 'toxic stress' on a developing brain that can lead to serious health issues later in life. Being hit (I'm talking more than just a pat or quick smack on the head) can produce those feelings of toxic stress in a child. Not good. And I don't think that's worth hitting your child because you got frustrated and decided to use violence to solve a problem. Violence is the immediate fix, but it can long term consequences.



Obviously I'm not an expert, nor am i a parent. I just know the research I've seen seems to argue against violence. I won't try to tell anyone how to raise their kid

 

[Fero]

Meh, when I was being a whiny little bitch or a thoroughgoing bastard I used to get a pat on the backside and I turned out alright. Oh, and you're a faggot.

 

[BigMattTheHobo]

Turned out all right? Yeah OK buddy

 

[Fero]

 

[kevinsmith]

Yes, things were better in the '30s.

Sure, if you were a Nazi you racist fuck.

It seems like you're thinking about this topic in extremes. First, nobody here said spanking is child abuse. You just simply can't deny that spanking your kid is a violent act. It's using violence to punish, which shows the kid it's OK to solve problems with violence. There are more constructive ways to solve problems than hitting.

"But Matt, my kid won't listen when I tell him to stop something. Oh, and you're a faggot."


As I've said, there are plenty of tactics to use to address problem behavior. Many were developed using children with serious personality problems.

As for the rest of your post, which seems to address this idea that America is being wussified... I think there's a degree of truth to that, but I don't think the answer is to encourage spanking. IMO the answer is teaching our children to be confident, resilient and intelligent. So maybe they go up and blow their American idol audition; they'll leave knowing they tried and will work harder to do it next time. I believe you can instill those qualities without teaching your child there are violent consequences to problem behavior.

Anyway, back to extremes. You seem to imply a parent goes from being willing to doll out corporal punishment to "warm fuzzy accepting" (as if accepting is a negative trait), but I feel there's a middle ground to explore that doesn't involve violence.

There's also the effect of 'toxic stress' on a developing brain that can lead to serious health issues later in life. Being hit (I'm talking more than just a pat or quick smack on the head) can produce those feelings of toxic stress in a child. Not good. And I don't think that's worth hitting your child because you got frustrated and decided to use violence to solve a problem. Violence is the immediate fix, but it can long term consequences.



Obviously I'm not an expert, nor am i a parent. I just know the research I've seen seems to argue against violence. I won't try to tell anyone how to raise their kid

First off, you say I'm going to extremes but then immediately say "spanking = violence" Sounds to me like you're trying to draw the link to abuse as well, without saying so. I could be wrong, but when I think if violence, I think of abuse. So there's that.

Tell me, what alternatives would you employ?

I do realize that not everything works for everyone, and custom ways of dealing with each kid need to be tailored. I can say from my own experience though that I was spanked, and when compared to the kids who weren't, I got in a lot less trouble growing up. Why? Because I knew if I fucked up, I'd be on some serious shit. The kids who were grounded did no respect their parents or the punishment, they did not think it was a big deal. Me, I didn't want to fuck up because I didn't want to get punished.

Now, we can all say "Being a kid you shouldn't have to fear getting punished blah blah blah kumbayah hug a tree" and what not, but the truth of the matter is, the reason we don't go and do things we want is because we fear the consequences. I don't tell the guy who is being a complete fucktard to shut the fuck up because I don't want to get the shit kicked out of me. I don't fight the guy trying to start shit somewhere because I don't feel like going to jail. Silly examples, maybe, but it's still early and I'm fucking tired. lol. Hopefully you get my point despite my sarcasm...some kids probably will react adversely to spanking. Those kids are probably already owners of violent tendencies anyway. (Hey, whatever happened to violin tendencies?) Others, it works because it's a consequence they don't want to deal with. Every situation is different.

 

[BigMattTheHobo]

Alternatives.... Praising good behavior, letting natural consequences take place, taking away privileges, talking to them, telling them what consequences will happen if they continue and follow up on it (kid won't turn down radio. Tell him you'll take it away for X time if he keeps it loud. Then take it when he doesn't listen), etc etc. There's a ton of things to try, but you have to be consistent and dedicated.


Violence isn't necessarily abuse. Spanking is violent, but it's not repeated, unfounded and angry behavior toward a child. If it becomes that, it's abuse IMO.


And again you go back to these silly sayings that have to do with this idea that it's all bleeding heart and therefore ridiculous. It's like you're trying to dismiss an idea because it falls into an area you generalize as being about hippies who don't take action, and just sit around talking about love. (I know I'm reading into this a little, but you do have a history of having negative things to say about people who might relate to the stereotype of a bleeding heart liberal).

Nowhere have I said children should face no consequences. I say children shouldn't face VIOLENT consequences because it produces dangerous stress and teaches kids to solve problems with violence instead of reason.

It's important to consistently communicate with your child to enforce the norms you expect. And when those norms are not followed, your child should know he faces consequences. But those consequences don't have to be physical.

Edit: again, I'm no expert and I won't tell anyone how to raise their kids. I've just had a number of wonderful opportunities to see compelling research and to listen to experts on childhood development

 

[ennaynattirb]

It's not like there have been studies done that show spanking is psychologically damaging or anything...

Spanking basically just teaches a kid it's perfectly acceptable to hit another person out of anger.

 

[Devastation the Almighty]

I would disagree.

 

[BigMattTheHobo]

It's not like there have been studies done that show spanking is psychologically damaging or anything...

Spanking basically just teaches a kid it's perfectly acceptable to hit another person out of anger.

Thank you.

Here's one of many sources
http://www.apa.org/monitor/2012/04/spanking.aspx

I strongly encourage everyone to give it a quick read

 

[Devastation the Almighty]

That link is probably covered in cooties.

 

[BigMattTheHobo]

That link is probably covered in cooties.

 

[kevinsmith]

Alternatives.... Praising good behavior, letting natural consequences take place, taking away privileges, talking to them, telling them what consequences will happen if they continue and follow up on it (kid won't turn down radio. Tell him you'll take it away for X time if he keeps it loud. Then take it when he doesn't listen), etc etc. There's a ton of things to try, but you have to be consistent and dedicated.


Violence isn't necessarily abuse. Spanking is violent, but it's not repeated, unfounded and angry behavior toward a child. If it becomes that, it's abuse IMO.


And again you go back to these silly sayings that have to do with this idea that it's all bleeding heart and therefore ridiculous. It's like you're trying to dismiss an idea because it falls into an area you generalize as being about hippies who don't take action, and just sit around talking about love. (I know I'm reading into this a little, but you do have a history of having negative things to say about people who might relate to the stereotype of a bleeding heart liberal).

Nowhere have I said children should face no consequences. I say children shouldn't face VIOLENT consequences because it produces dangerous stress and teaches kids to solve problems with violence instead of reason.

It's important to consistently communicate with your child to enforce the norms you expect. And when those norms are not followed, your child should know he faces consequences. But those consequences don't have to be physical.

Edit: again, I'm no expert and I won't tell anyone how to raise their kids. I've just had a number of wonderful opportunities to see compelling research and to listen to experts on childhood development

Yes, I'm being flip throughout because, as we all may or may not remember, this IS a humor forum. So I'm adding some schtick to the mix. That said, I appreciate you adding some alternatives. And you know what, a lot of those line right up with what I said in my last post, which was watching other kids who didn't get spanked growing up, and had parents who did a lot of those things. You know what, they were the ones out drinking underage, causing issues etc. You know why I didn't, because I knew that if I got in to that kind of trouble, I'd get my ass hit and damn if I wanted that to happen. And it's not like that was the only way my parents raised me, there was all kinds of positive reinforcement and what not, spanking was the final level if the other shit didn't work.

I'll say it again, it just seems to me that the more "hippie dippie" (said for your benefit) the "accepted" parenting practices get, the worse our kids seem to get. They're not scared of the consequences anymore.

 

[BigMattTheHobo]

As true as your belief about society might be, spanking is not an answer. See the link I posted above to APA. it can cause harm and really only has a short term benefit.

There are other ways to show consequences exist beside violence.

 

[Devastation the Almighty]

Spanking is an answer. Of course, it can't be the first answer, and every kid is different, but it is an answer.

I would also stress that before and after you spank a kid, you should tell them why you're doing it, and then don't overdo it. I hate it when I see a kid act up and out of nowhere the parent just wales on him with no explanation.

If you disagree again, I'll be forced to end you.

 

[BigMattTheHobo]

With respect Dev, I'll go with the numerous scientific studies on the matter. It's pretty clear spanking is a bad thing

 

[Devastation the Almighty]

Will you be at home between 2 pm and Thursday?