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Or... Only my friends can call me pig fucker.

Dude.

Hey, brit, my lobby could use a good buffing if you know what i mean...

Longwanger!

That's because you're a little bitch.

Steeeeeve Perry!

Blast! What the deuce?

Well, you, sir, are a festizio. See? I can make up words, too.

I tried watching it, I really did. Could not get into it. It insists upon itself.

I meant the Schitt's Creek references. Don't start.

No. Just no.

I'm just a big sweetheart. For real, I've had like 2 one-night stands in my life. The rest have been some connection and then closing the deal. Friends, more than friends...it wasn't like wham bam thank you, ma'am, it was more like we would laugh and play and have a good time. Maybe I'm...

I think she'd have been an idiot NOT to think something, but I stayed friends with every girl I boned except for 2. I can't say I'm CLOSE friends or anything, but like FB friends or if I'm traveling we'll go to dinner and whatnot. I guess there are a few now that I've lost touch with, but if I...

What if we called them "Tragic Mulatto"? I wouldn't have sex with them, if that's what you're worried about. I'm happily sexing someone.

I decided I liked being married so much I'd do it twice. The number of ladies at my first wedding that I had sex with was actually quite impressive. There were at least 7.

Both of them were invited to my first wedding and showed up.

It wasn't at the same time, there was a while between episodes, spanning years. First older, then younger, then back to older. It really was a beautiful story.